There comes a point in life that dreaming about what makes you happy simply isn’t enough. Well, at least it did to me. It sure didn’t happen overnight and a lot of different things contributed to the realization of what that is, over a considerable period of time.
The tears, fears, disappointments, hurts, people, circumstances, PEOPLE, did I say PEE POLES?!!!
… you name it.
It was this lingering feeling that I always pushed to the side, thinking I will do it when I have this, or when I have this and that figured out.
But one fine day, life twisted my arm and kicked me in the nuts and instead of drowning in tears or uncertainty, I decided to just fucking do it. I don’t like to cuss, but I want to be honest here. So, if that offended you, I’m sorry, then again, I’m not. The preceding lines will explain as to why I am not. The apology was for formalities sake. But we don’t care about that anymore do we? Trump’s proof of that!
Anyway, that’s how I felt after everything I’ve gone through that month and the years leading up to that FINE day. So, as it is with most major decisions in life, with a lot of uncertainty and tons of faith to make it work no-matter-how, I convinced myself that time for me to live was NOW!
If you happen to know me in real life, you would know me as however you describe me behind my back to someone that’ll never tell me how you described me. Mostly nice, I hope, if not, I don’t care if you can’t say it to my FACE.
But we all know that who we really are and what we really want in life are often buried deep inside of the facade and the act we put on in public. Yeah, ACTORS/ACTRESSES! it’s not a secret anymore. We all act. That’s why we wrap our privates in fancy cloth! Or you are afraid they’ll fall off?
Well, at least most of us don’t go around wearing a robe that outline all things we hope to be and do in life. Heck, I didn’t even have a clue of how I could live out just this one aspect of one of my life-long dreams. And I am not saying that I am living it out just yet, but I’m sure as hell close to it than I was ever before.
Life … well I’ll stop about life right there. I have no clue what life is yet. I’d be lying to you if I was to say it’s this or that. So, let’s say this one passion of mine was a huge driving force for me to go get my education, but it also made me miserable when I realized that even with that (with added nonsense after my name), I didn’t happen to be one of the lucky ones that could just go out and do it.
The best way to describe what I experienced from time to time since that one FINE day when life twisted my arm, is “there’s no pearl without pain.” These are my grandmothers words that I reminisce whenever sorrow tries to dominate my mind. Sorrow is real (and normal in subjective doses), in case you are one of those that think it’s only for sissies or think that you need deliverance every time you feel it. No offense, but I’d rather not hear about it if that’s what you think. That said, I hardly express it. It’s really none of anyone else’s business anyway.
So, yeah, again about that day. That FINE day: What felt like an utter robbery of my efforts, a squeezing out of brainpower like orange juice from an orange, I was able to hand over to the hands of the almighty and say, well, justice, you take care of this one. And me? I’m going to hit the road.
So, here I am, at 4:00 am, waiting for a connecting flight for 6 hours (for an hour’s worth journey) popping Tylenol to cope with the shivers and fever, yet, happy though, as a freezing kid in the snow, finally having the balls to write about that FINE day. So, in this interpreted version of what happened, things are cool. Stellar. Fantastic. Rockin’. And most importantly, FREE. Yeah. FREE. SO, SUCK IT. Or Swallow it!
My flight will be in less than two more hours. Ciao!